Winning the Pizza Lottery

If you take a look at my profile description right there -------------------------------->>>>>>>

you will notice that pizza is clearly listed as my favorite thing in the world. I once ate pizza for 30 days straight. If I could, I would eat pizza for 30 meals straight. It is one of the most amazing things in the world; it is a combination of cultures, flavors and textures, it can include all of the major food groups and provides nourishment for the body, and it can be eaten ANY TIME OF THE DAY. If you do not like pizza then you are a Class A jerk.

This past weekend was a lovely adventure for my fiancee and I that involved pizza. First, we went to the Astros game and had some helmet nachos. I have previously written about my love for helmet nachos. Below is a mouth-watering picture of the ones we ate.

I apologize if I made you hungry. We ate every single nacho molecule and would have had bought another one but we wanted to save the few ounces of dignity that we had left. After eating the nachos, I had to take a Helmet Nachos Selfie, because YOLO...

The next day, we ended up going to the Houston Dynamo game with new friends we had made. What a beautiful night for soccer. Check out some pictures from the game below:

The game was sort of a dud, with the Dynamo losing 1-0 in a friendly match with Aston Villa, from "across the pond." I wonder what idiot came up with that because if you think the Atlantic Ocean is a pond then you are (of course) a Class A jerk.

Our friend Bedrich somehow also got us free Dynamo scarves so we were able to look fashionable in the summer heat while watching the game.

At this point you might wonder why I started this post by talking about pizza if all I am going to do is show you pictures of myself wearing Random Professional Sports Items (RPSI). Well it is my blog and I can do what I want. In fact, just for that, you get one more picture of me and RPSI:

That is a beach towel that we got at the Astros game. I love RPSI, especially when they are free.

Anyway, after the Dynamo game, we had several adult beverages until we decided that WE NEEDED PIZZA. Or maybe it was just me that needed pizza. Either way, it was a NEED, not a WANT. And after a hilarious incident involving some girl tripping in a puddle and Bedrich sticking his BARE hand into that disgusting puddle to retrieve the girl's sandal, we ended up at Gotham Pizza, which just so happened to have a pizza large enough to feed all 5 of us. A 30" pizza pie. I HAD WON THE PIZZA LOTTERY. Take a look at this thing:

It actually looks bigger in person, but the pizza was no match for the 5 of us. We demolished the pizza, but not before burning our mouths like idiots. When will the pizza industry protect its valuable customers by inventing protection for our mouths from piping hot pizza??? (There is a million dollar idea right there for any of you who have the intelligence to design something like this, but I get at least half of your profits...)

We did finish the pizza but it took some willpower to eat the last few pieces. Below is picture proof:

If you were wondering how many slices I ate, the answer is... I don't know. That is what several adult beverages will do to you. What an awesome weekend though. You are welcome to come visit and burn your mouth with me and a 30" pizza...

Los presidentes de Estados Unidos en Houston

In all the places I have lived, one major thing has been lacking: concrete sculptures of the Beatles and the US Presidents. After 32 years of frantic searching, I finally found them in Houston. NO MORE SLEEPLESS NIGHTS!

Apparently local artist David Adickes recognized a need sorely lacking in America and responded by scultping 7,000 lb. busts of the American Presidents, as well as 70-foot tall statues of John, Paul, George and Ringo. David Adickes should be given millions of dollars and access to everything he needs so he can create more concrete sculptures of my favorite things. David, if you are reading this, please start with the following list:

• NBA legend Michael Jordan
• Beetlejuice
• Every stage of Michael Jackson’s transformation, from cute black child in the Jackson 5 to scary white pop artist with a skeleton nose
• Johnny Depp in the following roles: Capt. Jack Sparrow, Edward Scissorhands, Willy Wonka, the Mad Hatter, and Rango. LOL, just kidding about Rango. That movie was TERRIBLE.
• My favorite band of all time: Rage Against the Machine
• Jessica Rabbit from “Who Framed Roger Rabbit?”
• Every stage of Britney Spears’ life, from cute teenager to white trash mom
• And last but not least, Houston Astros outfielder George Springer

Below are some pictures I took of the presidents and the Beatles. What a fun day. If you live in Houston, go check them out…

Thomas Jefferson, Grover Cleveland, George Washington and Harry Truman are digging the groovy Beatles tunes. When Jefferson and Washington get into arguments about who had a better presidency, Paul and John break into "All You Need is Love." Cuz love is all you need, Mr. Presidents.   

Benji Harrison and I belong to the same fraternity. Phi Delta Theta for aye!

I wonder what Calvin Coolidge (far left) and Martin Van Buren (fourth from left) are staring at. 

Pano view of the sculpture park. Plenty of space for my suggestions above!

Sunday Selfie with G-Dub. He asked me what a selfie was. I just laughed and told him to STFU you old fart

Barry O is a St. Louis Cardinals fan! Who knew?!?!? I imagine his neighbors in Chicago are already spray painting racial epithets on his garage right now...

Bill Clinton did NOT have sexual relations with that woman. Which means he had sexual relations with that woman. Politicians...smh

Abe in profile. Looks just like on the penny!

Best in Texas

Stop me if you have heard this before: George Springer mashes a massive home run, makes an incredible play in the outfield, and charms everyone in the stands with his swagger.

Houston fans are probably used to that by now since it occurs so often, and it happened last night as the Astros swept the Rangers and moved out of the cellar in the AL West for the first time in 2 years. In fact, it was their first time as a member of the American League when they were not in last place. Suck it Yu Darvish.

I have never liked the Rangers and it is enjoyable to see them in last place. Below is a pic of the LAST PLACE TEXAS RANGERS. 

In other notes from the game, Springer’s home run was his 19^th of the season. That is tied for 7^th most in the league. I would like to know what he eats to get his massive power so I can tear it up in Men’s softball. Maybe that Triple Steak Stack from Taco Bell??? 

Jose Altuve now has the most hits in Astros history before the All-Star break and is headed to the All-Star game after being voted in by players’ vote. 

The Red Sox are coming to Htown this weekend for the final series before the All-Star break. Boston is also in last place and I hope the ‘Stros show that Htown is better than Beantown.

Fresh Prince of Bellaire

Yesterday, there was a threat of rain in Houston all day, and coupled with an uncertainty of things to do here on Independence Day, I did not have any thing planned. Luckily, I had seen an advertisement for the Bellaire July 4th parade, and my fiancée and I decided to attend that. Partially because we grew up watching Will Smith as the Fresh Prince of Bel Air, so we just had to see whats up...

We saw some neat things and had a great time.When we arrived in Bellaire, which is just west of the Texas Medical Center in south-central Houston, we scoped out a spot in the shade and sat down to watch the parade. Below are some pics of what we saw. My personal favorite was the old-school police car…

There was a neat little car that had a fighter jet on it, and children got quite a nice haul of candy despite it being 4 months until Halloween. Normally I would have been grabbing the candy myself but since I just turned 32 years old, there is no sane reason for me to battle with children over nuggets of sugar. 

As my boy Big WIllie says: 

Is this what the people of Bel-Air living like?
Hmmmmm this might be alright.

There were a ton of people and after the parade there was a small festival with food, games, rides and live entertainment. All around a good time. I just wish the mini-ferris wheel supported a 180-pound adult...

Afterwards, it was sunny outside and we took advantage by hitting up our apartment pool. Shortly after we got out the heavens opened up and dropped an insane amount of rain and ended up probably cancelling many fireworks shows. We did see some fireworks later around 10 p.m. and overall, it was a nice relaxing holiday.